The 5 am X and Ranma Crossover Fic
by Digital Sawa
Summary: This fic, as the title shows, was started at 5 am by two VERY hyper fangirls. I wasn't typing, my friend Toaster san was, so bear with me.


"Kamui!"  
  
(Toaster san: *drool*)  
  
Kamui turned around at the sound of the chirpy fourteen-year-olds voice. 'Dear god…not her again…if I have to watch ONE more episode of Sponge Bob with her again, I'm going to do the Dragons of Earth a favor and kill her myself' Kamui thought bitterly to himself. Yuzuriha ran up to where he had stationed himself on the top of the apartment building. "What are you doing here?" She asked, breathless from her long walk up the 20 flights of stairs.  
  
"Um…..nothing…" Kamui shifted uncomfortably, trying to position himself between Yuzuriha and the object behind his back.  
  
(Toaster san: *looks over to see Lain on the floor, catatonic, from the previously written sentence* BAKA! Not Fuuma!)  
  
"Why are you here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be off somewhere…?" He asked curiously, trying to change the subject. Now it was Yuzuriha's turn to look uncomfortable. "Well…I was supposed to go out for ice cream with Kusanagi…  
  
(Toaster san and Lain: *shudder* Trees….)  
  
…but…he canceled…." Biting her lip to keep back the tears that threatened to spill out, Yuzuriha looked away from Kamui.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry then." Kamui said absently. "The big dope probably found someone his age… ah well…I do feel kinda sorry for the brat.' Realizing that her presence was not wanted, Yuzuriha turned away and walked slowly towards the stairs from whence she came. "Bye!" Kamui called cheerfully after her, already dismissing her problems from his head. He smirked as he saw the door shut firmly behind the crestfallen little girl, and turned around. His hands extended and he gently caressed the long object. The smoothness, the sheer perfection, the beauty of the cylinder shape in front of him pleased him more than anything he could imagine did. "My baby…my love…my precious…" He murmured as he lovingly petted it. Bending forward slightly, Kamui put his face to the long, hard object .  
  
(Toaster san: *looks over to Lain who is still on the floor, frothing at the mouth. )  
  
Looking through the eyeglass of the telescope…  
  
(Lain: HA!! I KNEW IT!!! *ducks flying object thrown at her by Toaster san)  
  
…he grinned widely at what he saw.  
  
Shown through the glass was Fuuma in his apartment, dancing in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts to some song or another, though Kamui could distinctly hear the words *ahem* gimme gimme gimme, quite often. It seems as though Fuuma had the song on repeat. He sighed as he saw the door to Fuuma's apartment open and a shadowed figure enter, though the demented …  
  
(Lain: Fuuma's not demented he's just…special…)  
  
…..boy did not notice and continued his dancing.  
  
(Toaster san: Ah, the thrill of modern dance! The sweeping musical majesty, the joys of poetic motion, the challenge of stuffing a dollar bill into a bouncing bikini brief !) .  
  
SCENE--(O_o).. CHANGE  
  
(Toaster san: MWHAHAHAHA)  
  
Kamui walked up to Fuuma's apartment, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Fuuma was obviously listening to the CD he had given him. He approached the door, and knocked. Stepping back slightly, his hands folded politely in front of him, as he waited for Fuuma to open the door. No answer. Hmm…well he must not have heard the knock over the music. A bit apprehensively (one simply did not just WALK in on Fuuma..who knows how he would react…) he opened the door and walked in. The scene that greeted him, however, shocked him to the core. Fuuma. Boxers. Dancing. 'Nuff said.  
  
"Gimme gimme gimme…." Fuuma was singing along with the upbeat music. Kamui felt the beginnings of a strong nosebleed forming, and quickly averted his eyes. He kept peeking back at the moving form of the big man. Though he nearly burst into fits of laughter at the Pikachu boxers that Fuuma sported. As if sensing the presence of another, Fuuma stopped suddenly, whirling around to face the intruder. His face softened slightly when he saw it was only Kamui. He reached over and flipped the off switch on the stereo.  
  
"Um…hello…" Kamui stammered, while trying to not stare at Fuuma clad in nothing but his boxers. Fuuma looked down and blushed, his hands fluttering nervously, trying to cover up the most vital parts of his body.  
  
(Lain:*has a nosebleed*)  
  
"Kamui…" He inched sideways behind the Convient-screen-that-anime- characters-not-to-mention-most-cartoon-characters-change-behind-that-just- suddenly-appeared-and-yes-we-know-its-not-possible-but-damnit-we're-the- authors ™. A second later he appeared, dressed as he always was in his totally-perfect-god-I-wish-I-had-his-fashion-sense clothing. "What are you doing here?" He asked, trying valiantly to regain his usual calm façade.  
  
"I…uh…I…bakedyousomebrownies" Kamui stammered, holding out the pan of freshly baked brownies.  
  
(Lain: Hey…where'd they come from…?)  
  
(Toaster san: *takes off her apron* shush you…do not question the power of the authors)  
  
"Um…thank you…." Fuuma said uncertainly, taking the delicious…warm…chocolate-y…. treats offered him…  
  
(Toaster san: mmmm…food…soo…hungry….)  
  
…and setting them on the kitchen counter. "Won't you have some tea with me?"  
  
"Why thank you, I would love some." Kamui gratefully accepted the offer, thankful to have a change in the subject.  
  
(Lain: I WANT SOME GRATUITOUS SEX!!!! WHERE'S MY POINTLESS SEX SCENES????)  
  
(Toaster san: *cowers away from Lain's demon head* H…hai…)  
  
"Oh Kamui! You've had no idea how long I've been waiting for you to come over! I've wanted you all day!" Fuuma threw down the teapot he was holding, and grabbed Kamui into his arms. Moaning slightly, Kamui wrapped his arms around Fuuma's shoulders.  
  
"Mmm…do you think the others suspect anything yet…?"  
  
"They couldn't… We've done our best to cover things up…and the whole thing with pinning you down with glass shards…that had to cinch it…"  
  
"I…ooh..right there…guess you're right…" Kamui groaned as Fuuma's hands promptly…  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
(Kamui and Fuuma look over to where the two authors had been sitting, only to see Lain with a heavy duty artillery machine gun, shooting Toaster san for not giving her the sex scene she had so deeply desired. They looked at each other and shrugged, then continued their frantic *machine gun sounds*…)  
  
SEVERAL -(^_~)- HOURS (O_O) LATER  
  
"Oi, Fuuma… do you get the feeling we're being watched?" Kamui asked the boy that was lying down beside him, smoking a cigarette with a satisfied look on his face.  
  
(Toaster san: *takes note that they're both nakie* *faints*)  
  
"Hmm…now that you mention it…yes…" Fuuma got a rather disturbed look on his face, and sat up in bed. "Let's go see, shall we?" They both got out of bed and scrambled for their clothing, both faces turning rather red. Kamui held up his pair of trousers and noted, sadly, that they had been ripped greatly, in the fight to remove each other's clothing. He looked over at Fuuma.  
  
"Fuuma, do you have any pants?"  
  
(Toaster san: *grins sheepishly* sorry, I just couldn't resist…)  
  
"Why yes, Kamui, I do." Fuuma handed him a pair of pants, which remarkably were Kamui's exact size…  
  
(Lain: makes you wonder eh?)  
  
…and they both got dressed. Together they went over to the window and peered out, on the alert for any creepy stalker dudes that might have been lying around. Kamui gasped as he saw himself looking through a telescope on the top of the building across the street.  
  
"FUUMA!!" Frantically, Kamui pointed to the other Kamui.  
  
"Kamui? But what are you doing over there? You're supposed to be over here with me!" Fuuma said puzzled.  
  
(Toaster san: *Looks at Fuuma for a second, then reaches into her purse, pulls out something, and throws it at Fuuma's head* *nods and dusts her hands off, for a job well done*)  
  
"Itai!" Fuuma yelped, as something hard hit the back of his head. He looked down to see what it was, and saw that he had just gotten hit by A CLUE. "AH! That guy must be an impersonator! He is the creepy stalker dude!! We must catch him! Quick Kamui! To the Batmobile!" Turning, he started to rush inside to the door. Kamui looked at him, a bit disgruntled, and promptly stepped on the hem of his long black cape.  
  
"No matter how cute you look in those pointy bat ears, there is no way you're going down like that." Kamui said to his friend.  
  
"aww…why'd ya have to go and rain on my parade? I never get to have any fun…" Fuuma asked disheartened. Kamui just sighed.  
  
Meanwhile, the imposter Kamui had since noted that he was found out and had made his way down his building, and up into the one that held Kamui and Fuuma. In fact, he had since made his way up the stairs, via the elevator, and was now standing directly behind the two quarreling lovers.  
  
"AHEM!" Kamui and Fuuma whirled, startled at the sudden intrusion.  
  
(Creepy Stalker Dude: Sudden?!?! I've been standing here for like 5 minutes!)  
  
(Toaster san and Lain: Quiet you, just say your lines)  
  
(Creepy Stalker Dude: Eep…)  
  
"Why are you pretending to be me?!!" Kamui demanded of the Creepy Stalker Dude.  
  
"Well, Number one, you're SO FINE! …  
  
(Lain: gee…you so can't tell who's writing this fic can you? *pointed look at Toaster san*)  
  
"….and Number two, you ruined my life!"  
  
"wha-…? How'd I do that?" Kamui asked confused.  
  
"It's because of you, that I'm cursed to turn into a pig every time that cold water touches me…And because of that! It's now time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode!!"  
  
"Penguin? But we don't' have a penguin…" Fuuma said, now thoroughly confused.  
  
(Toaster san: *enters the room and puts a small figurine of a penguin on top of the television set*)  
  
(Lain: but you said there wasn't going to be any Monty Python references in this fic…)  
  
(Toaster san: so I lied… *shrugs*)  
  
"Ah! There's a penguin!" Fuuma said, as always, demonstrating in great detail how fine his powers of observing the BFO (blindingly frickin obvious). He smiled a bit, then, as the penguin on top of the television set, exploded.  
  
"ANYWAYS!" Kamui said loudly, to focus attention back on him. "I do believe that you are in the wrong anime, sir."  
  
"I am?"  
  
"I think so...is your name by chance Ryouga?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Then yes, you're looking for Ranma ½ next room over."  
  
"AH! Thank you!" Ryouga said gratefully.  
  
"But might I ask one thing… why are you dressed up as me?" Kamui asked, curious.  
  
"They made me do it. Said it'd be productive to the plot of this story." Ryouga pointed to the two authors.  
  
(Toaster san and Lain: what?! Two of them?! One for each, how could we pass that up?)  
  
(Ryouga, Fuuma, and Kamui: *sweatdrop*)  
  
"Ah well, guess I'd better get going. See you guys around!" Ryouga pulled off his perfect Kamui mask, and surprisingly his regular clothing replaced the Kamui like clothing he had been wearing before. "Ja ne!" he called as he disappeared into the horizon, jumping from roof to roof.  
  
"Well, that was strange." Kamui said after Ryouga had left. Fuuma nodded.  
  
"Wanna go at it again?" He asked huskily in Kamui's ear. Kamui giggled.  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
(Toaster san and Lain: *Pause in their daily torturing of bishounen to marvel at how many times Fuuma and Kamui can go at it….and remind the readers that this is a blatant reference to the machine gun sounds from the OVA of Maze…)  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
*Machine gun sounds*  
  
And no fic may end properly until we've heard Kusanagi singing his wonderful rendition of the Lumber jack song…  
  
*Kusanagi suddenly appears, dressed all in Lumberjack gear*  
  
"OH! I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay…  
  
I work all night and I sleep all day!…"  
  
(Toaster san: …and yada yada yada…I'm too tired to write the whole song…you'll just have to live)  
  
OWARI!!!!!  
  
Author's notes:  
  
YAY!! It's over!! Aren't you happy!?!? Didn't you just love the wholesome goodness of the completely and totally out of character characters??? Well, I know I did. Hehe, I do not take any responsibility of this fic, it is late, I have been fed sugar, and I have a sick mind. It does not count. :) Lain on the other hand, loves and adores this fic and takes all responsibilities for it! So, if you want to sue, sue her! I'm just an innocent bystander. (though I take all credit for this fic)(yes, as scary as it is, I take credit)(mwahahah …*cough* *choke* *gag*…)  
  
Well, night night minna! See ya's laterz!!!  
  
Sincerely and out,  
  
Toaster san  
  
Lain 


End file.
